“I’m going to blog a ton about my journey, so stay tuned!” Is much easier said than done on the front end of process, before you have any idea what that process entails.
I had every intention of keeping all of you in the monthly loop, with dreams of articulating incredible breakthroughs, beautiful insights, and of course, random, quirky embarrassing things that manage to hunt me down from time to time. What I didn’t know at the beginning of this journey is just how deep the healing would be – how far back the Lord would reach into my story and say “let’s go ahead and talk about this too, while we’re here.” You find out pretty quickly how difficult it is to explain why something is so profound when the beginning of the story started 10 years ago.
I think that BSSM is a lot like hiring movers – one set for your old house, and another for the furniture store to gather brand new items. Box after box is packed up and sent to your new house, but you already know that its going to take a significant amount of time to get everything unpacked and in its rightful place.
I’m sure that I’ll be pulling from this season for years to come – sharing in conversations, reading and rereading journals, listening again to hours of teaching… But here are some of the changes I’m experiencing, and some of the truth that’s been uncovered–
Love truly is stronger than the power of death. It consumes years of disappointment in a moment, resurrects buried dreams, breathes into embers of a hope that once was.
I had nearly forgotten that it had the power to do so. I remembered days when I felt rescued, victories that God had won, but they all seemed like stories from long ago.. He never fails, even if time and difficulty make you think that he does for a little while.
If I had to rewrite part of Romans 8 to describe this year, it would go a little something like this:
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither seasons of waiting nor paralyzing disappointment, neither dreams burned by the fire of trials nor hope deferred, neither feeling invisible and overlooked nor believing your prayers are unanswered, neither agonizing heartache nor overwhelming sadness will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
He still rescues. He’s exponentially greater than the greatest roaring giant threatening to take your life. He is love, he’s on your side, and he always wins.
In addition to giving a bit of an update of life up to this point, I wanted to put you guys in the loop of what’s to come –
I graduate 1st year on May 9th, and will be moving to Ohio for the summer to work my little hiney off. (Can I get an amen for parents who believe in your dreams and will house you slash feed you while you pursue them?)
I love Ohio, but CAROLINA IS MY HOMEEEE, so don’t you worry, Carolinians, I miss you more than words and will be visiting you as much as I can.
I am planning on returning to Redding for 2nd year in August. To give somewhat of an idea – 1st year is primarily Identity focused, and 2nd year is Leadership focused.. It is a year more pointed toward getting practical tools for pursuing dreams and being given more responsibility (in the realm of leadership, of course!)
For me personally, in thinking about doing another year of school, I couldn’t honestly say that by the beginning of May, I would have learned everything that I needed to know from this environment/culture. It was a HARD decision, because I love grown up jobs and all of my east coast friends and family, but I believe I will be very happy that I took the time to build good foundations when I get further down the road of my life.
Hopefully this gives a bit of an overview of what had happened and what’s to come! If I don’t say it enough, THANK YOU, every person in my life, for coloring it so brightly. I am so deeply marked by each prayer, each person that gave, every friend that cares. I can’t tell you how much I love all of you.
(PS TALK TO ME if you have questions or want to know more slash want to tell me about your lives that I greatly miss being a part of)