If there is anything that keeps you from blogging, or creating in general, it’s things going wrong in your life that cause internal tornadoes – discouragement, feeling inadequate for one reason or another, insecurity, loneliness, all of it. These internal tornadoes may have nothing to do with the creative process. In the swirl of feeling discouraged in some form or fashion, you might still believe that you are an incredible writer, a very talented artist, whatever it may be.. but who really wants to make stuff when you feel awful?
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the week of internal tornadoes in the life of Hannah Riggin. I have spent the last week broken, then put back together, then broken again. You know those yo-yo weeks? The ones that feel like 24 hour stomach viruses. You spend an hour nauseous, and then find sweet relief when you finally throw up, only to find yourself nauseous again? Living for the moments of actual puke, knowing that the virus can’t last forever. Yep, one of those weeks.
Let me rewind by telling you that during this next little ‘phase’ of life, I am going to be intentionally blogging much more regularly than I have been. Here’s why:
Have you ever planned a trip or an event?
I very recently got to help plan (/watch unfold) a creative conference.
In one of the planning meetings, a friend and I were nailing down some details about a month away from the actual date. The topic of feeding people came up; she asked several questions, two of which were ‘Who will order the food?’ and ‘What time will we be eating it?’
Maybe to some of you very organizationally minded people, those are normal questions.. But to me, it seemed a little far in advance to be thinking of things like who would make a phone call to a Thai restaurant a month down the road.
What I learned was that we could have made those decisions closer to the conference, but it didn’t hurt anything to think in advance. The thing is, we could have forgotten to make those decisions, and before long, food isn’t ordered, or we’re scrambling to make sure everything is taken care of.
When planning a month in advance, all that’s really being said is ‘I have confidence that this event is actually going to happen.’
I think life is like that sometimes – our dreams are like that sometimes. We think ‘I’d like to learn sign language,’ or ‘I’d really love to do some interior decorating,’ or ‘One day, recording music would be a total dream.’ ..but our dreams remain vague ideas. Is your life, in this season saying ‘I have confidence that my dreams are actually going to happen?’
I’m not knocking the waiting game, because there’s purpose in it. Sometimes, no matter how badly we want things to happen, it just isn’t time for them to happen yet. But what I’m learning is that a lot of times, we have so much power to walk in the direction our hearts long to eventually be.
God is the author of our dreams and the fulfiller of our dreams – he’s the one that makes things happen.. But what if he’s planting pathways into our everyday life that could lead us right where we long to be?
I’ve been challenged with these things in a small group that I am a part of, and we’ve had to come up with 3 measurable 90 day goals. One of those goals for me is to blog once a week, with or without the internal tornadoes, and to revamp this blog site of mine. (PS, If you or someone you know could help my desperate little site, PLEASE get a hold of me. I am at the mercy of the basic, somewhat cheesy template options in the settings menu of my wordpress account) So I will be attempting to provide some fairly regular reading, as well as a *fingers crossed* better looking, maybe even trendy site.. If sites can be trendy.
I try pretty hard not to do that ‘let me be an intentional thought provoker in blog form’ thing.. but REALLY. What are some ways that you could walk in the direction your heart longs to eventually be? And what are some roadblocks on the path that you might have to plow through? (no burn lingo pun intended) There’s something so empowering about knowing that you can pursue some of the things you love right now.. You don’t have to wait for a ship to come up to the harbor, praying to God that you’re not in the bathroom when it decides to sail away. You’ve been given a baby boat to begin your adventure today.. you might even run into a bigger ship when you least expect it.
So here’s what I hope that you gain from my blog –
I don’t hope that you learn about all of my strong opinions, deciding with each blog whether to love me more or cross me off your list.
I don’t want this to be my ‘life classroom,’ where I communicate to you all that I somehow know a lot and you all need to listen.
I don’t even really want to be one of those girl power bloggers (although that may happen from time to time).
I would love if you felt understood.
I would love, more than that, if you knew that you weren’t alone.
I would love for you to find comfort and humor and hope within these writings.